Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Read the Book

Amid the summer holidays of 1999, I bought a copy of The Lord of the Rings (abbreviated to LotR, LOTR, lotr & other conveniences) from a bookshop in Delhi's Connaught Place, having been introduced to Middle-Earth by my fellow Sanawarian, Devan. The size of the book didn't deter me. Nor should it you, if you liked the Peter Jackson movies and want to delve deeper into Tolkien's imaginarium.

If you concentrate on the main trilogy: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, and The Return of the King, you can read them over a long weekend. Appreciating the poems and songs will give deeper context to the story, but you can give them a miss if you feel like it.

Read it if you like the thrill of a fast-paced story that has supernatural suspense, war-mongering & witty banter, love across lands & rancor among races, survival stories & unlikely ubermensch. [The precursor to Superman, courtesy Nietzsche.]

Elvish: don't get me started! Or do: I highly appreciate Tolkien's vast, vast linguistic creation and am willing to discuss it at length. If you aren't interested in the First and Second Ages of Middle-Earth, perhaps you'll best enjoy the book by being satisfied with the very resonant, mellifluous names of the Elves, and skipping the operatic tales of valor.

I bought another copy before starting college, because I had re-read my original copy till it was falling apart at the seams, and would not have survived the treatment good books are wont to experience amid a group of knowledge-hungry college-goers. The new one was slightly smaller (and cheaper, like the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy is when compared to the Encyclopaedia Galactica).

Saw this rare first edition on Amazon

Instead of "Don't Panic", however, it had a frame from the Battle of Helm's Deep (to be found in the chapter helpfully titled "Helm's Deep") in The Two Towers. There are 6 books, 2 in each part of the trilogy.

Let's begin, shall we? SPOILERS ALERT.

If you've seen the movies, reading the books should be a comforting breeze - a scene-by-scene repeat. If not, you're in for a literary (not literal) treat.

The Fellowship of the Ring (Books 1 & 2) is good at introducing the hero Fro-do and his side-Samwich-kick, who prefers a sandwich over a kick at any of the Hobbitses' many mealtimes. Frodo is bequeathed the One Ring by Bilbo, and told about the REAL lord of the rings: Sauron, by Gandalf. This Dark Lord, way beyond Voldemort, made this ring to rule the other nineteen: 3 with elves, 9 with mortal men, 7 with dwarves.

Gandalf is the prime mover, the wizard of Fly Yoofools fame. By the end of Book One, the nine mortal men turn out to have become immortal and want nothing more than to please their master by bringing him the One Ring. Come to think of it, Sauron is a Master of Puppets.

Book Two begins slowly, ruminatingly, like most Elves. Once the Nine Companions of the Fellowship of the Ring [Frodo: Elijah Wood, Sam: Sean Astin, Merry: Dominic Monaghan, Pippin: Billy Boyd, Aragorn: Viggo Mortensen, Boromir: Sean Bean, Gimli: John Rhys Davies, Legolas: Orlando Bloom, Gandalf: Ian McKellen] set off on their journey, though, fasten your seat belts!

Over a snowy, stormy mountain they climb. Or try to. Down into the deep they are driven, where Gandalf battles the Balrog and utters those three famous words: "Fly, you fools!"

Gandalf Lotr GIF - Gandalf Lotr Fly - Discover & Share GIFs

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The depleted team stumbles but is guided to the home of one of the Elven Keepers of the Rings: Galadriel [Cate Blanchett - played with the proper reserve her character deserves, though it got way too many action sequences (too much action?) in The Hobbit's film adaptations].

Book Two closes with the ripping apart of the Fellowship into three: Frodo & Sam; Aragorn, Legolas & Gimli; Merry & Pippin. (Seven, now).

Books 3 & 4 make up The Two Towers: Orthanc, the seat for sorcery of Saruman [Christopher Lee, sinister as sin] and Barad-dur, the fortress of Sauron [voiced by Alan Howard].

[A(SIDE) NOTE: Another close claimant to the two titular "Tower" is the pair of Minas Tirith (formerly Minas Anor) and Minas Morgul (formerly Minas Ithil). There is a whole history behind their names and duality: read the next section {coming soon, dear reader - I work a full-time job too :D} if you want to know, else skip it, like you can skip the songs in the book).]

Book Three is far away from the One Ring. Legolas and Gimli are led by Aragorn in hot pursuit of Merry and Pippin (towards Orthanc), captured by cannibalistic orcs. Their adventures come thick (as Fangorn Forest) and fast (as an arrow flies). Horses play a huge role (a few named equines: Shadowfax, Hasufel, Arod, Felarof - first foal of the Mearas, Snowmane, Windfola).

Book Four is always with the One Ring. Sam helps Frodo through thick and thin (towards Barad-dur), the hallmark of a true friend. They capture Smeagol/Gollum [Andy Serkis, kicking off a VERY successful side-career as a mo-cap (motion capture, for those uninitiated to the world of CGI) actor] quite early into the book, and "tame" him.

This master-servants trio has more than its fair share of despair, deceit & desecration. Nazguls, Ungol and Oliphaunts torment them in various ways, from afar as well as from way too close. They are aided along the way to Mordor by the brother, Faramir [who is nothing in the book like he is in the movie, played by David Wenham] of their Fellow, Boromir.

And so we come to The Return of the King, Books 5 & 6. Climax!

Book Five is a war novel in and of itself. Armies are arranged under Aragorn, including one doozy platoon of the undead (not at all how we know them from zombie movies and TV shows). This New Zealander deserves a dekko: Wi Kuki Kaa. He portrayed Ghan-Buri-Ghan, but in a trading card game based on LotR, not in the movies adapted by P J.

Book Six is the culmination of this long journey that we started from the Hobbit-hole in the ground wherein lived the prime Hobbit. It completes the spiral of good prevailing over evil, with victory over vicious vermin and the toppling of the terrifying tower. Our heroes return home to the Hobbit hole, only to find it occupied by none other than slimy Shark-ey: old man Saruman!

Battle-hardened and brave, the four hobbits totally conquer the cranky fallen-from-grace wizard, whose great throat is slit by his own servant. Just desserts are served to all. That's it for the One Ring to rule them all!

CONGRATULATIONS! You have completed The Lord of the Rings! :)